my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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