i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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