Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
