Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize