so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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