I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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