WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
