I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
