i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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