I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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