I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
