I wish I only lived at night.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize