Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
