this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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