But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
