Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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