I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
