Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
