we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
