I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
