hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
