Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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