barbara walters just said penis...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
