Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
