I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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