Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
