your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
