I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
