she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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