I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize