I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
