Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
where are you?
Hypothermia
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
