Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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