I wish i was in the wii world.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
