I just cut my nipple shaving
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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