Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
