South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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