someone get that fucking seahorse.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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