If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
