seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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