everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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