he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
