if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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