And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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