I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
