Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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