After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
