I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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