i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
