All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
