Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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