Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
