I need help removing her.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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