Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
