ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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