I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
