On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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