I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
