i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
