in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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