I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
