i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize