Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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