Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
