It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
