Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
