Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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