Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
