Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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