My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
