weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
